Wednesday, August 19, 2009

What has God done for me Wednesday

If you read my post on Sunday about Brother Grubb's message at church then you may remember that he spoke on the man who was inhabited by Legion. (Mark 5: 1-20 ) The basic gist of the discussion was that whatever happened in your past, whatever bitterness or bad feelings or garbage you are holding on to...can make you feel kinda crazy and the only way to get rid of the permanent bad feelings you have from this whole cycle is through Jesus.

God has done so much for me and I want to share what He has done for me....2000 found me in a very strange marriage. I was married to a man who was not very nice to me, to say the least. I had been diagnosed with PCOS which is a hormonal disorder that can cause infertility and has a chicken-or-the-egg relationship with obesity. I was a painful 440 lbs. I became a shut in. Between May 2000 and March of 2001 I only left my apartment 7 times and to this day I can tell you exactly where I went. I cried for days each time I returned home after leaving. I had agoraphobia. In March I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, Social anxiety disorder and depression. These psychological disorders are like evil, soul-sucking demons that plagued me.

In 2002 I learned what it is to be truly poor and needy, my electricity was shut off in November because I couldn't afford a $150.00 electric bill as a college student. Mom bailed me out of that one, but I still spent a night sleeping under two sleeping bags and a comforter while it was 20 degrees outside. (My apartment had no insulation) A friend of mine bought my groceries for me for a while. I didn't ask him to - he's just an amazing person.

I was so poor at various times I chose between running water and quieting the ache of hunger in my belly. I have showered in the rain. For almost a whole year I didn't have a phone.
I had pneumonia and was hospitalized for a few days. I weighed over 500 lbs and several complications related to the obesity...I began looking into weight loss surgery in 2003. I had surgery August 11, 2004. I weighed 462 lbs the day I went under the knife. Today I am about 200 lbs lighter and I couldn't be more pleased.

I had something very bad happen to me in August 2006 that caused my anxiety and depression to come on full force. They came back and were very, very bad. I have since had names given to the new "demons" that have emerged...mood disorder, and PTSD.

I believe that these disorders exist but I also believe that a part of them (in my case at least) is spiritual. Satan, the great deceiver and prince of lies whispers in my ear "Those people are laughing at you." "That girl really doesn't like you - she is just being nice." "Everyone is staring at you." That is a whole lot of dead weight to try and carry around this world!

Only Jesus can touch you and help you shed this dead weight that clings to your soul. He touched me and He helped me. I no longer take medication for any of my "demons." Jesus helped me overcome the labels and the lies. I lived a very "worldly" life for 15 years but I felt God speaking to me. Only through my Saviour am I washed clean as snow and able to now walk with my head held high and live my life unashamed.

If you want a fresh start in life and need help figuring it all out, please contact Gladeville Church. Even if you aren't local I am sure that the great people there can help find you local spiritual resources.

God Bless you,



Anonymous said... are the most awesome person! I love you so much and OH THE PLANS HE HAS FOR YOU! JEREMIAH 29:11.....God is EVERYTHING!

Love you Girl!

jenn (I'm the lucky one!)

Carol said...

Jenn...Thank you so much. I love you too!!! I just wish that both of us had more time... I am so glad to be your friend. <3 I feel like my basket is seriously overflowing. The more that I change my life to live for Him the more filled my basket gets.

wendi said...

Thank you for sharing what God has done in your life. It was a joy to read. :)

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