Friday, January 22, 2010

Where's Waldo.....er.....Carol!?

I know I have been strangely absent and I am so sorry for that. I feel like I have let you all down and I love saving people money so it makes me sad.

I have thought and thought and thought about what the "appropriate" amount of information would be to share here and then I decided I would share what is on my heart and just be honest and real. You don't want to read about someone who isn't real...and if you know me in the real world and have known me for any length of time - you know I am an oversharer so there you go ;)

So where have you been??

The simple answer is...I've been depressed, and dealing with "junk."

The not so simple answer is this...

I live as a single mother of two beautiful children. My daughter is 27 months old and a spitfire/pistol/HANDFUL!!! My son is 10 months old and following quite closely in his sister's "get into everything" footsteps. I created a toy room for them that i'll link in another post for you to see...but they can defeat the baby gates because they work as a team. I'm glad they have the teamwork concept mastered so early but I wish they'd use their power for good instead of evil!!

I don't get a lot of help with my children. My mom is very busy all the time and my dad recently broke his wrist in a fall at work. So I am mom 24/7 without much break at all. That takes it's toll on my energy and leaves me with very little energy or time to blog but more than that,
That is true but there is so much more to that....and I can only provide you generalities because there are too many facets and too much history and we'd be here months with me explaining.

I married someone almost 3 years ago who I loved. I believed he was an honest and good man. His family made some strange comments about him being immature or whatever but I just kept on being stupid. After about 2 months I began to have some doubts about his honesty, having caught him in multiple lies...but I was pregnant and I wanted to give him a chance...

...in bits and pieces he began to show his true colors with...

Lies about where he was, (I don't care how "lost" in the electronics you get...a 7 hour Wal-mart trip is NOT FEASIBLE if all you come home with is 2 bags of groceries....the WRONG Groceries from what your wife sent you for......just sayin'....) ...helping someone to jump start their car for four hours when you are an ASE certified mechanic is just not believeable! I don't care who you are.
Lies about money...
Lies about bills...
Lies about job hunting...
Lies about who he was spending time with...

...when the lies are all present and accounted for, it's like the only thing he never lied to me about was his name.

When my son was a little over 2 weeks old he left me. I had a 17 month old and a 2 week old.
When he came back he told me he "wants to do 'what he wants to do' when he wants to do it" and not have to clear it with anyone. Translation: He wanted to go out and party in the only transportation that I had for my children, with my carseats and not have any accountability.

He told me that he doesn't love me, doesn't know if he ever did, doesn't want to be married but will stay because I need him.

Please!! Contain your laughter!!! ;)

So....recently I went to court for child support, and eventually (when I can afford a lawyer) will be the divorce hearing.

So in addition to dealing with my own depression I have all of that drama to worry about :)

I let it dig me into a hole for a little while but a few someones threw me shovels and i've got nowhere to go but up now!!

Thanks for sticking around and continuing to believe that i'd return one day. I am so sorry that I disappeared :(

If you ever need anything feel free to email me at nosunshyne@gmail.com or you should be able to contact me on facebook.

6 comments:

Summer said...

Hang in there! And let me know if I can do anything.

Carol said...

Thank you Summer :) You are AWESOME!! We need to get the kids together to play soon. Lila LOVES Daniel and Wesley & Tyler seem to get along well...Even if W was afraid of Tyler I bet T would play with the big kids just fine :)

The Khan Family said...

I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. It sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders. Stick with your decisions and God will see you through it. Hugs hugs girl!

Carol said...

Thank you!! I am very glad to know you read my blog!! That is very sweet of you to comment and be so kind! :) It is a whooooole lot of drama and is quite stressful at times but I believe I am going through this for a reason. Someone else needs or will need my story or knowledge after I come through this. I feel sure. It is still STRESSFUL though!!

I will take everything as far as I can though :)

Who Said Nothing In Life Is Free???? said...

I have been there and know exactly what you are going through. My husband decided it was too much work when I was preg with my son (I came home to a 1/2 empty house). I had to go on food stamps and cash assistance for a few years.

For the first few years he came and went and saw his son when it was convenient, but when Kyle turned 3 I was told by my ex "I am done being a babysitter" and he has never seen his son since. Kyle is now 8 and still doesn't understand why his dad doesn't want to see him.

Some men are jerks and it isn't fair how they distroy other people's lives.

Just know, life will get better in time!!!

Carol said...

Gosh - i am so sorry that you had to go through that!! it is hard but honestly I have the better end of the stick than he does and I know it. He might think he's living high on the hog right now but one day he will realize he screwed things up with his kids. I really just want to be with my kids and love that i'm able to blog and be with them and i'm starting another business making marshmallows and it and you are right - it's totally not fair how some men destroy peoples lives. I've given him over to God though and I pity him. I feel sorry for him because he obviously doesn't know true love...if he did then he would never have been able to treat me the way he did and he wouldn't want to spend a day away from his kids.

Thanks for the support :)

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